A Tragic Loss – Carl (Trey) Snead III

Often, certain things, turn of events or accidents that take place around us leave us perplexed, possessed by a numbed emotion and one can do nothing but wonder the reasons behind it to only reach an unfinished conclusion leaving a perpetual question banging inside our brain longing for an answer.

It was a Monday (about two weeks ago) and that day I didn’t see the moment coming, yet at the sound of the cellular’s tune, the other side of the line was empty, full of silence.  She had paused before she started telling me about how Carl had died.

Has it happened to you that when a piece of news comes about carrying a great deal of importance the attention paid to it is zero to none?  About 3 months ago I had read about the chocking game played by preteens and teens, I shared the information with my son and partner and we then moved on to better things.

Today, I tend to look at my son for longer periods of time and I feel my eyes containing the emotion.  Carl (Trey) Snead III was the victim of a tragic game:  the chocking game.  He was found dead with a belt around his neck tied to a 4 feet tall closet pole.  A very talented young man, a son, a brother, a friend, a dancer, a martial artist, a musician and a poet, Constantly smiling, well educated, loved by many instantly stopped his own existence trying to get a fuzzy rush playing the chocking game, WHY?

How do we begin to understand the reasoning behind it?  Where did we go wrong when everything we thought we did right, was indeed right.  These couple of weeks we learned about a game that is not a game at all.  We learned about the flow of blood to the brain that is cut off. About the few seconds of feeling light headed the players look for.  About the fuzzy feeling that only means the BRAIN CELLS ARE DYING (1000’s at a time).  About the cells that are damaged and the seizures caused by the lack of oxygen.  About those survivors to the game that end up in a vegetative state.  About the 250 to 1000 people that die each year playing some variant of the chocking game.  About kids that think nothing can hurt them.   About how kids do it for the high or because it is a cool and risky game.  About how most of these kids who have died from it were active, intelligent and stable children who thought the game was a safe alternative to drugs and alcohol.  And about how the chocking game is also known as the blackout, fainting game, space monkey, dream game, suffocation, roulette, pass out, flatliner, California high, airplaning , American dream, funky chicken, tingling and gasp.

These couple of weeks I find myself needing to reflect on things.  Carl Snead was our son’s Hip-Hop instructor for a while and for as many conversations I had with him I clearly remember his smile, his moves, his polite ways and most of all the advise he gave our son at the end of every class, what a great young man (I always thought).

For all the things we face in life often we are not prepared for those that triggers our inner self in an unbelievable way.   This tragedy has affected us deeply.  I look at my son and wonder what life has in store for him, for us.  Hmmmmm

Carl was the best at many levels.  I am sure many people can attest to it.

As I type this post and I remember the conversation I had with my partner over the phone a couple of weeks ago I can still feel the silence she was projecting for what had happened had sudden our souls.  Carl, You will be greatly missed.

Carl’s Memorial will be held today July 10th @ The Place of Refuge, 486 Button Ave in Manteca, CA @ 1:00 PM.  A reception will follow.


Please reach out and talk to someone if you notice the following in a child or young adult:

Suspicious marks on the side of the neck

Something hidden by a turtleneck, scarf or permanently turned-up collar

Changes in personality, such as overtly aggressive or agitated

Any kind of strap, rope or belt lying around near the child for no clear reason-and attempt to elude questions about such objects.

Headaches (sometimes excruciatingly bad ones), loss of concentration, flushed face.

Bloodshot eyes or any other noticeable signs of eye stress.

A thud in a bedroom or against a wall- meaning a fall in cases of solitary practice.

Any questions about the effects, sensations or dangers of strangulation.


Well, that’s it for now. 🙁
Remember to comeback tomorrow for more!
Have a good night!!!

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to “A Tragic Loss – Carl (Trey) Snead III”

  1. xlsus says:

    #334Pollot Thank u very much!!!!

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  2. xlsus says:

    #Becky.Snead: WE LOVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TOO BECKY!!!! It all came from the heart. 🙂 🙁 🙁

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  3. Becky Snead says:

    Virginia, how can I find the words to express to you the love you just gave our child?? You, in so few words, reflected on his existence, his essence and wrote it so eloquently… What your family (you, Dagmar and Ney) have done for our family is beyond measure and unspoken! WE LOVE YOU! Thank you from our core, to yours…

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